Crashed and Lost – Oswin's Untold Story
by DarkSunshine306
Summary: Oswin is a Dalek, we know that much for sure. But what happened to her beforehand? How did Alaska crash and how did she end up being converted? Set before she meets the Doctor. Rated T for coarse language and some grotesque details.


**A/N: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters; it all belongs to the BBC. I just like to fiddle with characters and write the things that aren't shown in episodes. Read and Review :)**

Looking down at the scene below me, I couldn't believe how things got so fucked up. My life seemed so normal; a beautiful family, a prosperous life, a dream. I never realised just how little it takes to get all of that brutally stolen from you. I don't think people realise that one tiny little decision, one life changing moment turns even the brightest of rainbows to the darkest shades from the pits of hell. Holding back tears, I forced myself to look away from the sight that stood before my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I moved myself forward, one moment of what remains of my life at a time...

But after only a few moments, the stench that invaded my nose flowed right through me. The blood. The sweat. It was overpowering me, and made me stumble at the strength it held, and the grip it had on my emotions. I had only enough strength to go through the door to my right, before I simply fell to the ground in a heap, unable to control the onslaught of feelings that emerged throughout my body. At first it seemed as though everything was going fine; engines were working, the crew were getting along, people – much like myself – were finally able to achieve their dreams: seeing the stars up close and personal. But only a few hours into the flight, everything went pear shaped. There were loud bangs, like explosions all throughout the ship, and then we started to plummet. Everyone was scrambling to get to any of the escape pods, yet less than half the inhabitants managed to lock themselves in before jettisoning themselves away from the ship that would have been our home for a few years. The other half were left to perish in the crashing ship, the flames engulfing them long before they would reach planet fall.

The main problem with escape pods; you've no control over them. Well, these shitty little ones you didn't, you pressed eject and you were sent to the nearest planet with a gravitational pull. You could be stuck in these for weeks, just simply drifting through space before you got anywhere near a planet. You also had no clue where the hell you were as it seems the people who made these pods had never heard of the invention of windows. Christ. But thankfully, the pod I was in started to speed up almost as soon as it was launched. But our speed was far too fast, and when we hit the planet surface, we landed with an almighty crash; our stomachs dropping to the floor.

After an ear splitting silence, John stated the most obvious thing in the world:

"I think we've just crashed." I literally got out of my seat and glared at him. He took a few steps back and mumbled and apology, falling back into his seat. I then made my way over to where Renee sat and began to console and reassure her. She was always emotionally unstable, and I was hoping that this trip would be able to help her with that, help her grow more confident in herself.

"Where are we?" she asked me in a panicked voice.

"What's happened? Are we dead? Oswin, please, I can't do this, please just kill me now!" Her voice was hysterical by the end, and sobs wracked her body. It seemed that everyone around me was confused as all hell; Starship Alaska was meant to be one of those new age amazing ships that were never going to die out, yet here we were on some unknown planet, possibly about to die at any given moment. Everyone was falling apart, even the men were. Then one of the blokes, Harvey, spoke up.

"Look. I know that we're all freaking out, that's completely understandable seeing as we almost died and all." The way in which he so bluntly said this rewarded him a hiss from me. I never really liked this guy. "The thing we all need to remember is that we're alive and well okay? Alaska has the best security system in the Solar System. If the pods are activated and are away from the ship for more than an hour, a signal is sent from each and every one of them back to where we came from. I'm sure people will be here to help us within a few hours…"

He could not have been more wrong. We were in that pod for simply a single twenty-four hours when it happened. Harvey had talked to me in private earlier that morning when everyone was still sleeping. The stupid asshole woke me up from my slumber.

"Look," he whispered to me, almost urgently. "Something really should have happened by now. I don't have the heart to tell anyone else, but something isn't right. We went through training back home in case this sort of thing were to happen, and the pod was supposed to receive some sort of signal. Nothing's happened. Quite honestly Os, I don't know how much longer we can last. There may only be six of us, but we've only got so much food to sustain us all. It's not gonna be enough." I'll never forget the look in his eye. It was that of complete and utter defeat.

"Why are you telling me?" I all but hissed at him. What can I say? I was always a little grouchy when I was woken up…

"Because I trust you. Sure, I hate your guts sometimes, you're a complete smart ass, but you're not too bad Oswin Oswald. I guess you aren't the worst company to keep." He then stood there awkwardly, then waddled off to a seat and became motionless.

"If anyone can figure out how to get us out of here it's you," I heard a few minutes later from his still form, his voice as quiet as the rest of the room. It made me jump; I had honestly thought he was sleeping. I looked over to where he sat, and I saw him smiling slightly at me. He fell asleep not long after that.

He took everyone out to do engine repairs to see if we would be able to fly this thing ourselves a little later. I opted to stay behind and keep the temperature regulated, effectively leaving me on my own, alone with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. My mind drifted to home, where mum would be in her kitchen making some sort of sweet thing – a soufflés perhaps – , where my younger brother Sam would be working on his school work, trying to beat my average of 95. This was a thing we did; try to outsmart the other, even on the most simplest of things.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of banging on the roof. Suddenly the door was wretched open and in clambered four people. They all looked terrified, and it didn't take me long to realise that five people should have come back.

"Where's Harvey?" I asked no one in particular, sounding a little desperate myself. It was Renee who spoke up, sounding hollow and empty, just like her eyes; wide and empty, yet so frantic with fear.

"He's gone. I don't know how it happened, but he just sort of went mad. I'm surprised you didn't hear him, he was swearing his damn head off at the top of his lungs, I swear. And then he just… He fell into the snow and started having a fit or something. Next thing I know, he's telling us all to run in a voice that didn't belong to him, and we all just fled, no idea what the hell was going on. But I looked back over to him when I was getting in, and he was lying there, as still as if he were dead." Her story sort of just ended there and she fell into a chair, staring blankly at a wall, twirling something in her hands.

"We'll be fine," I said aloud, my voice more stable than I thought I could manage. "Just keep the food going until help comes." I quickly made my way to the bathroom and just sat there, telling myself over and over that I had to be strong. I couldn't be weak. People needed me. I probably spent no longer than ten minutes in that bathroom and when I walked out, the scene before me gave me a well needed slap in the face. And it caused a stream of bile to make its home at the back of my mouth.

Everyone had been stabbed, their throats slit. If I had come out from behind them all, I would have thought they were playing statues or something, seeing as they were all sitting upright and had their hoods up. There was a note on Renee's chest, held there by the knife digging into her:

_I had to. We can't do this Oswin. It's either die quickly or slowly, I made the choice no one else was going to._

That was it. Those few words were all that was left. I woke up this morning having five people with me, and suddenly I found myself alone. I forced my way into the pilots den and fell against the door I had just clumsily made my way through. Breathing deeply, I told myself I had to keep moving. In the blink of an eye, my brain suddenly switched from thinking emotionally, to thinking with survivor like instincts. _Time to use that brain of yours Oswin, _I thought to myself.

That one thought got my brain into action, and everything became clearer in a split second. Edges became more defined, and I had all of these ideas in my head. First of all, get the ship to work. I made my way quickly to the front, looking at all the buttons in front of me. Dull and lifeless buttons. These would do me no good. Time to find another means of escape. I looked around me quickly and noticed a hatch on the floor. I wrenched it open, and saw nothing but never ending blackness. There seemed to be some sort of tunnel under this. I'd need a ladder to get down…

I sprang to life and ran for the door, stopping only to momentarily compose myself. I knew exactly where the ladder was, the hidden compartment to the left. But to get there, I'd have to go pass everyone else.

"It's now or never," I say to myself quietly.

I make my way out, staring at the floor and holding my breath so as not to smell the stench of the blood and sweat. How in God's name I managed not to hear this all going on, I'll never understand. I started to feel along the wall for the hidden latch that held all the survival equipment and when I found it I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. I pushed the door up, and grabbed the ladder and some rope in case I'd need it. I just hoped it would be long enough to reach the bottom.

It was then that I noticed that the dead bodies weren't so dead. Even though they were all standing up, even though they still looked like them, their eyes were lifeless. They did however, have an eyestalk sticking out on their forehead. I had seen that before… And with a strangled scream, I realised they were Dalek eyestalks. Stumbling backward through the door, they all seemed to notice I wasn't like them, and they all started awkwardly walking after me. I began to run towards the door that was mere meters from me – yet it seemed miles away – and once inside, I slammed my fist on the door seal. Nothing can get in now. I think.

Opening the hatch, I throw the ladder down, and watch as it almost majestically unrolls itself and falls to the depths of this hole. I wrapped the rope around the handle of the entrance to this crevasse so that I could seal off my escape route. Hopefully they were just puppets being pulled by strings with their minds stolen away from them. I just wished I could lock it off permanently so that I had a guarantee that I would not be followed by whatever the hell my crewmates had become.

I put one shaky foot onto the ladder, followed by the other. I had to stay there for a few moments as I was trembling so badly that if I continued like this I would fall and break my neck for sure. I took a calming breath, and began my descent. With the rope firmly in my hand, once I was low enough, I yanked on it, slamming the door shut. The sound of it reverberated off the walls. After the echoing of the slam had subsided, the only sounds to remain were my erratic breathing and the beat of my thundering heart. Looking around me; all I could see was the blackness. If I wasn't careful, it was sure to engulf me. I could barely see my hands which were practically in front of my face, but I had to do this. There had to be a way out of here.

The journey down was precarious to say the least; my feet slipped beneath me a number of times. I continued to make my way slowly down, and after ten minutes I began to wonder just how far down this went. My silent question was answered five minutes later, when the tunnel started to get a tiny bit lighter and I could see more clearly. Once I reached the bottom, I thanked my lucky stars that I did seeing as I had run out of ladder just as it hit the floor. Lucky. I reached for my torch that was in my belt and turned it on, my eyes disagreeing with the sudden onslaught of light. After they had adjusted, I made my way forward slowly.

It was so still and dark down here; the walls were damp and I could hear water dripping from somewhere. There didn't seem to be any sign of life or any living presence being here for possibly centuries. Turn after turn, this place seemed to never end.

"Where am I?" The question escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

Next thing I know, two Daleks popped up out of what seemed like thin air, backing me into a corner. I had nowhere to go, this was it. I was going to die down here in this godforsaken place and no one would ever know. All I could do was look at the rusted gold plates that covered them, and wonder how long they had been waiting to pounce.

"Where am I?" I demanded over and over, my voice quivering from the fear inside of me.

I wish I was able to form a more structured sentence, but I was unable to considering that I had two Daleks staring me down. The one on the left's eyestalk seemed to zoom in on me for a few moments while they both just stayed there, immobile. All of a sudden, the loud, robotic voice filled my ears; I jumped from the impatient noise in this soundless, never ending tomb.

"Scan completed. Intelligence detected. Prepare for full conversion." I felt empty. Full conversion? They couldn't mean… No, no, that just wasn't going to happen.

"Full conversion my ass! Get me out!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice breaking.

I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that struggling was a complete waste of my time considering I was backed against a wall, but I guess the human part of me just couldn't stand there and do nothing. The only thing that stopped me was feeling something hard sticking into my chest. I looked down alarmed and noticed one's gun against me. I felt something cold trickling down my cheek. I wonder how long I had been crying.

"You will walk. Walk. Walk!" They moved away from me, and I almost considered making a run for it, but I felt another gun pressed into my back, and I made my way to where they were taking me.

I was taken through a journey further into this crypt, taking numerous turns before we came before a door. One opened the door with its plunger like thing while the other kept its gun firmly at my back. Once there was now a clear path to walk through, I noticed I had been brought to a makeshift laboratory. There was this vertical metal bed in the shape of a human; arms and legs slightly outstretched away from the body. Directly above the head of this upright bed on the roof lay a big chunk of metal, which did not look inviting at all.

"Place yourself inside," the metallic voice commanded, digging further into my back to make me push my stiff legs forward when I didn't move immediately.

I reached out to touch the metal; it was cold. That's exactly how I felt. Cold. Numb. Lifeless. It seemed fitting really. I moved my way into the mould, and a belt came around my middle, holding me there. Clamps then quickly came down around my wrists and ankles.

"And just how do you think you'll be able to make me like you huh? Subtract love, add anger and hate?" I felt as though I had to try and fight my way through this, I could not go out without some last fighting words. Perhaps these bastards had a sense of remorse. Hopefully.

"That is correct," a much louder, lower robotic voice said from the corner of the room.

I look up and see a much taller Dalek standing on the far side of the room. It looked just as tarnished as the other two, if not more. I wondered if it had moved at all, as his movements were jerky and awkward, much like a child learning to walk almost.

"It's not going to work. I am human!" I started to yell at them, with a new wave of tears silently making their way down the sides of my face.

"Commence conversion," the deep voice boomed.

The room was suddenly filled with lights and mechanical whirring. Wires were placed all around me, and suddenly wires were jammed into both of my forearms, my shins and between my breasts. I moaned out in pain, and felt a wire crown of some sorts place upon my head, and I felt dizzy. Then, through the wires placed in my body I felt a cold illness creeping its way into every dark corner of my body. I was suddenly so angry at the people in my life. They gave me hopes, and here I was, dying. It's all their –

No! Love, love, love. Family. Mum. Dad. Sam. Soufflés. Strength. Friends.

"I am not a Dalek! I am human! I am not a Dalek!" I wasn't even sure if I had said these words out loud, but all I could tell myself was to not let this beat me.

Love. Sunshine. Hugs. Smiles. Tears. Warmth. Things that aren't Dalek… But this feeling of complete loathing began to fill me, far stronger than before.

"I'm human!" I sobbed loudly, trying to pull away, yet only making the wires dig in deeper and the restraints holding me in this torture bed dig into my skin, drawing blood. Pain isn't Dalek. Remember this. Pain is human. To hurt is to be human.

"Stop this, please. Please!" I screamed at them, but all I got was three purple circles staring at me. No remorse then.

"I am a Dalek." It had escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

I could feel my anger levels rising, and my hate towards everything. This wasn't such a bad life. I'm stripped of all unnecessary emotions; these are the only two that are actually needed. Who needs to feel the pain and happiness of loved ones…

"Human! I'm human! Not a Dalek. I am human!" But the battle inside of me was futile.

The cold was becoming poison in my veins, and I could no longer fight it off. I slackened in my braces, stopped my fighting and closed my eyes, letting the last of my tears fall. This was it. The last image I saw was of my family, all of them smiling at me, and then suddenly they went up in a roar of flames. I hate this bloody race. I hate them for stealing all of this from me. I hate them for taking my life from me. I hate… I hate…

"I am a Dalek. I am a Dalek!" My voice was beginning to sound pure now, I sounded like my brothers. At last. I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to want to remain human. Dalek's are one group. One race where no one was an outcast. It was better this way.

I could feel the flesh aspect of this human body begin to heat up, then burn, then melt. Looking down and seeing the human skin coloured liquid ooze away from the clothing onto the floor gave me hope that I would soon be pure. A metal casing was placed around me, and I was complete. At last, my body was ready, and ready for one purpose.

To exterminate.


End file.
